Sometimes lately I don't know if I'm coming or going. Albuquerque, Taos, east coast, Taos, Albuquerque....
It's been one hell of a ride since the beginning of the year. Not all stressful or bad but stress comes from many directions and circumstances - even good ones. We were in Albuquerque for Ron's treatments for a couple of days last week and this week. My current bout of vertigo I attribute to three flights in one day in crowded airports and planes and then a three hour journey in an old van back to Taos from the airport, sans luggage. Or maybe I'm dramatizing that inconvenient day because I hated it so much. I'd had a good week back east and felt calm and peaceful inside. The weather was perfect, there were walks, writing, reading, good food, in congenial company.
I remembered that when I assisted at weeklong retreats in Taos we told everyone "when you leave here you will feel a peace inside that will be shattered by traveling and landing back in your regular busy life. Don't expect those closest to you to understand so try to ease into it rather than plunge." Good advice. I remembered, I tried -- but was unsuccessful. I reap the consequences now by feeling unbalanced.
One cholla plant was in bloom when I walked in heat of late afternoon in Albuquerque. A delicate flower amidst thorns and with a short life. Somewhat like humans. And yesterday, walking in the park, looking for signs for the future (I do that sometimes) this is what I saw.
A friend said, "don't curse the darkness, light a candle."
I answered, "I am the candle"
But what if I'm just smoke?
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